http://85334319.qzone.qq.com Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:10:40 GMT Qzone zh-cn Copyright (C), 2005-2008, Tencent Tech. Co., Ltd. Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:26:33 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1259029593
看到这则新闻，我欣慰的感到，经过了二十年的发展，社会进步了。冲锋枪换成了高压水枪。那么，为什么会导致如此惨烈的抗衡呢？因为这次大虹桥的建设，潘女士家的面积有480米，而政府只愿意赔偿67万，也就是每平方米761元的房屋重置补贴和1480元的土地补偿。

当这个城市的商品房均价是在用万衡量的时候，强制拆迁的价格还在用百来计算，这就是居民投掷燃烧弹的原因，也就是说，人家本来住了480平方，你要征用人家的土地进行所谓的建设，也就是做生意，你赔偿人家的钱只够人家买40个平方，然后强拆队就来了，换做任何一个有武器的人都忍不住得掏武器。

当然，这个例子说明了一些问题，第一是中国政府当年禁枪是有道理的，我记得我很小时候我家里是有一把气枪的，用于打鸟，后来突然有一天政府突然下令说所有的气枪猎枪都必须上缴。这说明我们的政府是有远见的，他意识到了在十几年后，社会矛盾将会加剧，届时如果老百姓配备了气枪，那政府拆迁部门只能配备火箭炮了。

第二是中国政府当年的土地公有制是有远见的，连丝毫没有经济头脑的毛泽东也意识到了，政府吃喝玩乐成本会很大，光靠收税和资源能源垄断弄不好还不够花，土地将是一笔大收入。后来，领导们又担心土地在自己手里卖光了，导致党儿子党孙子们没有地可以卖，到时候自己就成了罪人，所以又规定，土地转让的年限是70年，以方便让孙子们再卖一次。

第三是肯定是政府很后悔的一个问题，早知道现在城市化进程这么有利可图，当时就不应该让农民们有宅基地和自己的房子，导致了现在很多的拆迁问题，想当年在建造监狱的时候，应该利用监狱的图纸顺便也给农民们把自己的村庄建好，一个村一个监狱，一户人家一个牢房，再利用人民日报灌输一下理念，说这就是社会主义新农村，从此自己不用再花钱建房，政府直接送房给大家，家家户户都是水泥混凝土，门直接就是用钢筋做的。当然，钥匙还是要给人家的。这样操作的好处之一是虽然前期花了一些成本，但是后期再也没有拆迁的苦恼。好处之二是万一谁犯了罪，直接给丫钥匙没收了就行了。

这个事件中还有几个亮点，就是闵行区一些领导的言论。总所周知，闵行区的领导总是一不小心就把真话给说出来了，我认为这个其实是值得鼓励的，因为他们坦率的真情流露，总是我嘴说我心，比起那些面上一套私下一套的官员至少要强多了。比如闵行区执法大队队长之前就钓鱼事件发表的言论说“没有利益驱动，为什么要帮你”。这句话的深刻与坦诚，只有郑州官员的“你到底是代表党，还是代表人民？”可以媲美。

这次闵行区领导的真心话大冒险接力接到了华漕镇。
华漕镇副镇长高宝金说：你跟政府对抗，那肯定触犯了法律，那肯定要处理的。

另外，建设公司委托给区政府的征地款是每亩地130万元，整个虹桥机场的拆迁总费用高达148亿元。但是政府补贴到农民手中的征地款是每亩地38万元。那么其中的差价为什么就归当地政府了呢？
上海市闵行区交通建设委员会的主任，闵行区动迁指挥部的一把手吴仲权的观点就比较新颖，他认为，闵行区虹桥枢纽这个地块，是在政府的改扩建消息出来以后才大幅提升的，因此由之获得的土地增值价值也不应该由群众取得。

你是不是觉得闵行区很可恶呢？你是不是奇怪为什么他们的官员位置还那么稳呢？如果你这么想，你就太嫩了，因为他们是上海市政府的得力干将。这就好比你是公司的部门经理，你要买一个市场价是1000的打印机，于是你给了你的一个员工1000元整，结果你的员工花了300块钱就把这个打印机给强行买来了，还给你开了一张1000的发票，又给了你400，他自己拿走300。不光如此，你还不用负责这个员工的伙食，因为他饿了可以自己钓鱼吃。这个员工唯一的问题是开车赶路的时候压死的几条狗，导致你的办公室外面经常有一堆狗对着你吼，你说，你会不会开除这个员工呢？当然不会。你只会想，这些狗真麻烦。

是的，那些倒霉蛋就是那几只狗，而我们就是那一堆狗。 ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1259029593#comment 142606848 Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:26:33 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1259029593 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1258942195 23. cop 警察
A：Oh! No. My TV and stereo are gone. Who did this?
噢！ 不！我的电视和音响都不见了。谁干的？
B：I've already called 911. The cops should be here any time.
我已经报警了。警察应该随时会来。

美国人在口语里很少用 "policeman" 来表示“警察”。这里报警的电话号码是 "911" 。有时候，美国人也用 "911" 来表示“紧急的事”。

24. spooky 玄；可怕的
A：I had a dream last night that Keith and I had a big argument. Thismorning he came in wearing the same clothes he had on in my dream!
我昨晚梦见我和Keith大吵了一顿。今天早上，他穿著和他昨晚在我梦里穿的一样的衣服进来。
B：That's spooky!
真玄！

"spooky" 就是一些所谓的鬼怪、太凑巧而令人觉得“恐怖”的意思。

25. Say cheese. (照相时)笑一个

美国人照相时喜欢露齿而笑，如果是“抿嘴”笑的话，很可能是因为他觉得自己的牙齿长得不好或黄黄的(但不是绝对)。试着讲 "cheese" 这个字，你的牙齿是不是露出来了呢？

26. eat 使困扰；使不开心

A：What's eating you? You've been soquiet all morning.
什么事让你不开心呢？你整个早上都不说话。
B：I bombed in my final exam.
我的期末考砸了！

"What's eatingyou?"是个很常听到的俚语。当你觉得某个人好象为某事所困扰，以致整个人不大对劲，就可以用这句话来问他，到底发生什么事了。"bomb"是个很有意思的字，因为可以表示“完全的失败”，也可以表示“作得很好”。要看当时的情形来决定。

27. jazz (something) up 让(一件事物)变得有趣些

A：What do you think of this?
你觉得这怎么样？
B：It's kind of dead. Maybe you want to add more graphics to jazz it up.
有点闷。也许你可以加点图让它变得生动有趣些。

"jazz (something) up" 是使一件原本可能有点沉闷的事变得有趣些。好比有人在一个冗长的会议里作些说些笑话之类的事，企图让大家从昏迷中醒来，就可以说"He tried to jazz the meeting up."

28. My hands are tied 我无能为力

A：Mr. Chapman, can I hand in my homework next time. I left it at home.Chapman
先生，我能不能下次再交作业呢？我把功课忘在家里了。
B：All of the scores must be given to the office by Friday, so you musthave your homework today. It is a school rule and there is nothing Ican do. My hands are tied!.
所有的分数都必须在礼拜五前交到办公室(学校)，所以你今天一定要有你的作业。这是学校的规定，我无能为力。

"My hands are tied."在这里并不是真正“手被绑起来”的意思，而是指“没办法”的意思。好比电话响了，你很忙不能接，也可以说"Can you get it? Myhand are tied." (我很忙，你能接一下吗?"

29. love handles 游泳圈、胖的腰围


A：You'd better lose those love handles fast. I'm tired of having so much to hold on to.
你最好快把你的肥肚子减掉。我对老是有这么多(肥肉)在那里让我可以抓着觉得很烦。
B：I think I look fine, my dear.
亲爱的，我觉得我看起来很好啊！

上面的对话可能是一些太太会对发福的先生所讲的。



30. maxed out 累惨了

A：I'm working 70 hours this week. I'm totally maxed out.
我这星期工作七十个小时。我真是完全累坏了。
B：70 hours? I'd be dead if I worked this hard.
七十个小时？我要是工作这么多，我一定会死了。

"max" 是“极限”的意思。用"maxed out" 来表示一个人累惨了应该是蛮贴切的哦！


31. If You Snooze, You Lose! 如果你不注意，就错过良机了。

A：Hey! Where did all the cake go? I haven't got any of it.
嘿！蛋糕都到哪里去了？我一点都没吃到。
B: There's no cake left. Your brother ate the last piece. If you snooze, you lose!
(蛋糕)都没了。你弟弟(或哥哥)吃了最后一块。你没快点行动，机会(此指蛋糕)就没了啊！

有些闹钟上面有一个让你可以在闹钟响后, 再小睡一下的按键。这个按键就叫"snooze"。所以"If you snooze, you lose." 就变成“如果你贪睡(不注意)的话，你就不会赢了。”的意思。

32. jerk one's chain 烦(某)人


A：Hey! Can I ask you another question?
我可不可以再问你一个问题呢？
B：Stop jerking my chain. I'm trying to study here.
不要再烦我了！我要念书！

"jerk one's chain" 是一个蛮有趣的俚语。假设你脖子上有条链子, 有个人每二分钟就来像拉狗链般扯一下, 你是不是觉得很烦呢？"Stop jerking my chain." 就是"Leave me alone." 不要吵我的意思。

33. have a cow 非常生气

A：When I told my mom I would be home around 2 am, she had a cow!
我跟我妈说我会到半夜二点才回家，她气炸了。
B：Duh!
废话！(怎么会不生气？)

不知道为什么会用"have a cow" 来表示“很生气”。实际上，"have kittens" 也是同样的意思喔。"Duh!"是美国人用来表示“这不是废话吗？”、“这还用说吗？”等所发出来的一种语音。说的时候要有一种态度，有点像说中文的“废话！”那样的语气。


34. knock it off! 住手！(不要再做某事)

A：Tim, knock it off, would you? Your singing is killing me.
Tim, 你停止好吗？你的歌声简直要我的命！
B：Hey! You're rude.
嘿，你怎么那么没礼貌啊！

"Knock it off!" 是叫(某人)停止做某事的意思，与 "Cut it out!" 和 "Stop it!" 都是同样的意思。

35. my ass 才怪！(表示强烈的质疑)

A：Honey, this is going to be my last cigarette. I'm not gonna smoke again, I promise.
甜心，这将是我最后一根烟。我跟你保证，我绝不会再抽烟了。
B：This is going to be your last cigarette, my ass.
这会是你的最后一根烟？才怪！

"my ass" (原意:我的屁屁)是一个用来表示对对方所说的话强烈的不相信的用语。很像中文里的“才怪！”之类的话。也有女生会在"ass"前加个"little"，而成"my little ass"(我的小屁屁)，也蛮可爱的。

36. big time 非常；很；大大地

A：Oh, no. I completely forgot about my appointment with Mrs. Anderson at 2 o'clock.
唉呀！糟了！我完全忘了我和Anderson太太二点钟的约会。
B：You know she's gonna complain about that big time, don't you?
你知道她会跟你抱怨一番的吧？

"big time" 也是蛮常听到的一个口语。它的意思就相当于 "very much" ； "extremely"。还记得"Got You!"(骗到你了吧！)这个词吗？如果你跟你的朋友开了一个很大的玩笑, 结果他真的被你唬得一楞一楞的，你就可以很得意地对他说"I got you big time." (我把你骗得乱七八糟的吧！) ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1258942195#comment 142606848 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:09:55 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1258942195 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1258824027

火车上的烤鳗鱼很好吃

烧粥用的肥鲟鲟

屁屁来一张

看我的眼神...

变成粥了

好美味啊

撒点香菜

正宗荔枝肉

我吃了...

整整五碗

好好好美味啊

后来蛋疼坐了弹跳車和翻江倒海~

顶着两个大眼袋也要推荐

我這么正派

居然被要求查验身份证

不过我心情好

因為我帶回了比废臉还大的肥鲟鲟

视频審核中~ 吗的 被压缩成狗了,看的时候记得停止播放空间音乐喔!~ ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1258824027#comment 142610953 Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:20:27 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1258824027 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1256713440 很久没更新 并不是没时间或者是不想

想说的总是太多 可是又不想说

明白人不说也能明白 不明白的说了也是白说

到了这个年纪可能又是个思想变迁的时候

从哥哥变叔叔了 哈



WIN7群众反应非常好 准备考虑什么时候用一用

这阵子准备出本人的第一部视频 由于是第一次期望不要太高

PVP是打不动了 PVE的将就了看吧



房价还是疯狂的在涨

涨到连小学文凭都未必有的大老板都知道要涨 于是纷纷卖了厂房去买房产


就算建的房子都倒了 还有办法让它涨上去

GDP也在涨

可是这钱怎么总是在同一个圈子里转呢

影帝们的演技也在渐长

和谐国还是那么和谐 全国一片欣欣向荣

凡是做了坏事的 平时一定是表现良好的 做事很低调的

该涉黑的涉黑 该倒钩的倒钩 只要老子袋袋平安 屁民的事是不关人民公仆的事的



大学生的无知实在太严重了

救人固然是好事 不自量力就不太好了 到头来最最可怜的还是父母们

和谐国居然还鼓励多做这种事 时刻准备着为共产主义事业而牺牲吧

可是有些却是懂的太多了

夜店里的小姑娘那是一个比一个妖艳



秋天到了 正是海鲜最肥最好的时节

可惜在这只能吃到一些唬唬本地人的水产


]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1256713440#comment 142606848 Wed, 28 Oct 2009 07:04:00 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1256713440 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1255926759 Once again, now where do I start, dear love
亲爱的，该从哪里说起呢
Dumb struck with the pure luck to find you here
幸运如我，竟然在这里看到你
Every morn' I awake from a cavernous night,
每天清晨，当我从苍穹般空洞的黑夜逃离
Sometimes still pondering the previous plight,
仍然忍不住会想起曾经的誓约
Seems life done changed long time no speak,
生活悄无声息地改变
Nowadays I often forget the day of the week
现在时间于我已毫无意义
Taking it by stride if you know what I mean,
它总是大步迈像前方，如果你能明白我的感受
No harm done, no offense taken by me
没有伤害，我亦不抵抗
So let's rap, we'll catch up to par, what's the haps
所以，还是说说吧，这样我们就能更好的相处，
Perhaps we're even closer now after all things considered on this side of the planet,
终于，当一切事情都有了全面的考虑后我们终于可以更亲近彼此
Couldn't pick a better time even if we planned it!
这也是我们所不曾预料到的最好的时机
To come clean and candid if I have to
那么,就让一切开诚布公
Oh what I wouldn't trade for your laughter
我总是无法换取你的笑颜
Sweet and sour spice in my poetry pot melting,
尽管心中充满甜蜜和痛苦
Even better than the real thing!
它却仍然好于残酷的现实
It's like the God in me saw the Devil in you
仿佛神圣如我遇到邪恶如你
I wanted to break myself in the worst way when I met you
在我们初次相遇的那一刻,你就让我醉生梦死
Who would have thought, conversate by the river, celebrate birth,
谁想像过，在河边庆生时的相互倾诉
Sit and delivered the lines that would prove to be the seeds of trust
静静的坐着,我将我的信任托出
Unsigned, yeah but destined to grow with sunshine
阳光将是它们注定的最终方向
Self-assigned task piled on the desk of good works,
赋予自身的责任积累一点一滴的爱
Knowing hardship appreciate the best of both worlds!
因为明白困难才能凸显出最好的两人的世界






C'est la vie, as they say L.O.V.E evidently, see every song has a sequel
这就是生活，他们毫不掩饰地说出我爱你然后了解，每一段故事都会有一个结局
Never same, everything but the name, all fresh just like back then, how we do everyday
它们从不雷同，除了名字每一天都像刚走逝的昨天，不同却在于我们怎样去生活
C'est la vie, as they say L.O.V.E eloquently, see dream has a part two
这就是生活，他们毫不演示地说出我爱你 然后了解，每一个梦都还会有接下去的内容
Never same, you got to keep it tight, all fresh just like back then, now hear me out…
它们从不雷同，你必须将它牢记在心每一个梦想都像刚流逝的那一个现在,请静听我讲






Once together, now where do we go, dear divine
再次相聚，我们该去向何处呢，亲爱的上帝
I pray that you keep watching over us,
我祈祷您能一直守护我们
From the heavens where light is the nucleus
从那光芒四射的天堂里
To this space filled with darkness and negative matter
这个世界充斥着黑暗和消极
Anti-gravity pull is what I would rather feel when I leave this shell eventually
失心力是我离开地球唯一能感受到的
Ties to the mother earth ground me mentally,
与它紧密相连的精神寄托
Real vibes will keep me alive spiritually
电颤琴的旋律是我的精神支柱
Imagination brings bliss at no cost, when I blink blink I receive at no loss
我眨眼，将幻想不遗余力地带来的巨大幸福全部收下
Victory comes in small packages like a leaf of an olive tree brought back by a dove
包裹里的胜利仿佛鸽子从天堂橄榄树上衔下的一片来自绿叶
From above, then I'm gonna rhyme love,
我要诵唱爱情
Well you saw that one coming ever since the beginning of the end
你能明白地看见爱，那份执着到底的爱
Well anyways, I am not a perfect being, yes I am a man full of sin
是的，我不完美，我充满罪恶
It's like the Devil in me saw the God in you,
仿佛邪恶如我遇到神圣如你
You epitomize the etymology of enthusiasm!
你是与热诚的化身
Look it, up there lies the clouds that form the rain
向上凝望，那里有大片的积雨云
That came from the ocean that flowed from the river
它们都来自从河流溢出流向的海洋
I'm a believer, firm with the first words, lyrical transceiver of our ancient roots
我相信，坚定地相信从我们曾说过的第一句话，古老根源的
(Science + Arts) Faith # of our Ethnic Race!
我们种族的信念
Let me mention what I've been thinking
我要说出我的顾虑
How to save the children, when the ship is sinking
当船开始下沉，我们该如何挽救孩子
So I'm singing, no lip syncing to slogans,
我在歌唱，
Political hooligans with tanks, missiles and guns!
政治流氓，坦克，导弹，枪支
Everything is relative when it's all in the family of man,
当涉及到家人，那么这一切就开始与我们有关联
Understand the time has finally come to realize the great power of 1,
才终于了解到…强大的力量
All formulas equalize under the Sun, Amen!
阳光下，一切制度开始变得公平，阿门






The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music,
旋律可以拯救一切，因为我坚信音乐
In times of need I won't be leaving you sick
我决不会在你生病需要时离开你
The beat plus the melody's the recipe,
节奏与乐曲的结合便是药方
Your vibe surely brings out the best in me!
The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music,
旋律可以拯救一切，因为我坚信音乐
In times of need I won't be leaving you sick
我决不会在你生病需要时离开你
The beat plus the melody's the recipe
节奏与乐曲的结合便是药方
All good souls lost may they rest in peace!
所有迷失的善良的魂灵愿它们都安息
(repeat)
Hiphop worldwide we got to live in peace, like that!
hiphop无处不在，我们生活安宁 ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1255926759#comment 142606336 Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:32:39 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1255926759 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1254304736 作者不详

　
我是一个极其讨厌AV和看AV的人。黄色产物，如同洪水猛兽，毒害着年轻一代，这是多么不堪的现状！
当然，我也看过，每当夜深人静的时候，我也会打开电脑，点击网页，寻找——下载。

但我看这些片子，是批判的看，是仇恨的看，是带着一个有良知的人内心深处那种愤慨的看！我要看一看，日本色情产业是怎样把一个个如花似玉的妙龄女子，变成色情女星的！
而至于那些什么北条香理,苍井空,川滨奈美,堤莎也加,町田梨乃,二阶堂仁美,饭岛爱,饭田夏帆,饭冢友子,芳本叶月,冈崎结由,冈田丽奈,高木萌美,高田礼子,高原流美,宫本真美,宫岛司,古都光,光月夜也,河村亚季子,河井梨绪,黑崎扇菜,红月流奈,华歌恋,吉川萌,及川奈央,吉川真奈美,吉崎纱南,吉野莎莉,今井明日香,今木翔子,金泽蓝子,进藤玲菜,井上可奈,久保美希,酒井未希,臼井利奈,菊池丽香,菊池英里,菊池智子,橘真央,具志坚阳子,可爱亚织沙,葵小夏,蓝山南,兰望美,里见奈奈子,里美奈奈子, 里美由梨香,立花丽华,立木爱,凉白舞,铃川玲理,铃江纹奈,铃木麻奈美,芦屋瞳,麻川美绪,麻生叶子,美里霞,美崎凉香,美雪沙织,美月莲,明日香,木谷麻耶,奈奈见沙织,内藤花苗,内田理沙,鲇川亚美,片濑亚纪,平山朝香,前原优树,前原佑子,浅见伽椰,浅井理,青木琳,青木玲,青野诗织,青羽未来, 青沼知朝,秋本玲子,秋菜里子,秋元优奈,如月可怜,若林树里,若月树里,森下理音,纱月结花,杉浦清香,杉山亚来,山下由美子,杉原凉子,上原留华,神城千佳,神崎麻衣,神崎麻子,矢吹丽,手束桃,树本凉子,水城凛,水野朋美,水野茜,水越丽子,四季彩香寺田弥生,松浦梦,松浦唯,松田千夏,松下爱来, 松下可怜,松元静香,速水真保,藤彩香,藤代流花,藤崎秋,藤森智子,天衣美津,田村麻衣,望月瞳,舞岛美织,午后野弥生,西泽友里,夏美舞,相川未希, 相户爱,相田由美,小仓杏,小川流果,筱宫知世,小栗杏菜,小森美王,小室优奈,小野由佳,筱原凉,小泽菜穗,小泽玛丽亚,筱冢真树子,星爱丽斯,星崎瞳,星野绫香,星野洋子,星野真弥,徐若樱,雪乃小春,岩下美季,遥优衣,野宫美忧,野原奈津美,叶月千穗,伊东美华,一色丽矢,一色鲇美,一条沙希,乙伊沙也加,樱井沙也加,由树莉莉,有川真生,有吉奈生子,有森玲香,雨宫优衣,原千寻,原史奈,原田春奈,远野麻耶,月野静玖,早纪麻未,早乙女舞,泽舞音,长濑爱,长月亚美,真木亚里沙,真山润,中川珠代,中村理央,中根由真,中山美玖,中原绫,仲井美帆,竹田树理,佐伯美奈,佐佐木,幸田梨纱,北原爱子,成膳任,戴文青木,德永千奈美,笛木优子,福原爱,高见美香,高树玛丽亚,宫崎葵,观月雏乃,海江田纯子,后藤理莎,后藤香南子,矶山沙耶香,矶山沙也加,吉冈美穗,吉泽瞳,加纳则子,加藤小雪,菅谷梨沙子,结城翼,井上和香,井上熏,酒井瑛里,久纱野水萌,铃木爱理,玲木美生,泷泽乃南,美依旗由美,木下亚由美,前田知惠,前原爱,浅田真央,清水佐纪,入江纱绫,三尺真奈美,三宅尚子,森下千里,上原绫,石村舞波,矢田亚希子,市川由衣,市井纱耶香,嗣永桃子,松岛菜菜子,松居彩,松元莉绪,樋口真未,细川直美,夏烧雅,相乐纪子,小川熏,小林惠美,小野奈美,小泽真珠,星野亚希,须藤茉麻,亚纪奈,岩田小百合,伊藤步,优香,友崎玲,中泽裕子,佐藤麻纱,安藤沙耶,奥山唯子,白崎令于,柏木奈纯,板谷佑,滨田翔子,朝雾唯,川崎爱,大和抚子,大西由梨香,岛田百合花,二宫优,绀野舞子,岗原厚子,高鸠阳子,古河由摩,谷田未央,河合绫纯美,和久井辛,和希沙,黑田美礼,横仓里奈,后藤亚维梨,户田惠梨香,吉濑美智子,加藤麻依,江纱绫,井上诗织,井上优香,井真理绘,堀井美月,莲沼民子,柳明日,落合玲奈,牧濑奈美,木下亚由,奈良沙绪理,浅丘南,秋本那夜,秋山玲子,秋庭比吕子,三尺真奈,三井保奈美,森下真理,山吹美花,山口纱弥加,杉里香,神代弓子,树梨沙,水谷利加,松鸠永里奈,松山麻美,松屿初音,塔山直美,藤香南子,天使美树,天野理惠,田崎由希,桐岛淳子,尾崎美果,西野美绪,相泽优香,小林里实,小早川洋子,叶山小姬,樱树露衣,樱田佳子,永井绘理香,远藤真纪,早川美波,早川桃香,折原琴,中鸠广香,中泽夏木,竹野内丰,佐藤江梨花,爱内萌,爱田露美,爱田毛毛,安倍夏实, 安原真美,奥山香,八木泽,白川美奈美,白鸟智惠子,白亚朱里,北山静香,北原步,北原真裕,仓本安奈,仓田杏里,朝比奈真理,朝仓加穗里,朝仓玛丽亚, 持田茜,冲田由加里,川奈由依,大友梨奈,岛田香奈,堤沙也加,渡边香,风间舞,风见京子,福山洋子,冈本夏生,高仓梨奈,高野瞳,宫本瞳,宫本阳子,宫地奈,宫间沙布子,工藤瞳,宫下杏菜,河田纯子,和希结衣,横山千枝,华美月,姬野莉梦,吉田友里,吉野碧,菅野美寿纪,江口美贵,结衣美沙,金城美丽, 井上彩菜,井上雅,鸠村熏,酒井美幸,菊池则江,君岛美香,可爱亚芝莎,来栖敦子,蓝原夕妃,蛯原舞,立花优,立原贵美,恋野恋,铃木由美,麻生岬,麻生真美子,麻田子,茂森亚弓,美波志保,木内亚吉拉,内田京香,品田由依,平山绫,前岛美步,前田亚纪,浅见怜,浅野子,青木美里,清木裕子,青山遥,青山叶子,三濑真美子,三崎真绪,三上夕希,三尾安齐,森宏子,森山子,森野雫,山口理惠,山口美纪,山口萌,杉山圭,杉田惠美,山田誉子,杉原爱砂,上原亚也加,神崎美树,神田美沙纪,圣瑛麻,石川恩惠,石川瞳,石川优季奈,矢吹凉子,矢吹麻理奈,矢择优子,水城梓,水希遥,松岛奈奈子,松纱良,速水怜,藤井彩,藤崎弭代,田山真美子,田中梨子,田中美久,瞳理欧,望月七,望月沙香,望月英子,武田真治,夏结玲,相纪美,相乐晴子,相仁泽美,相原里奈,翔巴辉,小池亚弭,小峰由衣,筱宫庆子,小田凉子,小向杏奈,小野濑,幸田李梨,岩崎千鹤,野宫凛子,野野由利加,叶山路易,一宫理绘,伊藤美沙纪,一条小百合,樱庭凉子,永井流奈,优木里绪奈,优木美纱,羽田夕夏,原惠美子,远山雪乃,远藤梨奈,早濑理沙,早乙女香织,长谷川,真纯麻子,织原奈美,柊丽子, 中条佳奈子,中野美奈,仲村桃,足立美,佐藤有纪,八木亚希子,朝比奈英里,朝仓仁美,朝仓香乃,朝仓遥,朝美光,朝美绘乃香,朝丘瞳,朝霞佳绘美,赤西凉,川野亚希子,大久保玲,饭干惠子,福光千穗,冈田安希,高以亚希子,和久井由菜,吉木纯菜,吉泽京子,井上华菜,君野梦,堀切子,楠麻耶,南使香,平丸久美子,青木友梨,仁乃庆子,三浦富美子,山本京子,榊彩弥,矢野显子,水野亚美,水泽千夏,太田优,藤森子,相崎琴音,相泽纪美,星美织,杨原京子, 早川濑里奈,斋藤朝子,长泽筑实,中谷香织,中森子,中条美华,竹内爱,庄司爱,佐藤春菜,佐藤子,津野田熏,吉井玲奈,阿嘉奈津,安藤希,安田奈央,奥川希美,奥山美夏,白鸟美由纪,百合香,北村夕起,北山英里,朝仓志穗,朝丘南,朝丘纱智,朝日美穗,朝永真弥,朝长真弥,纯名梨沙,村田洋子,大林典子,二瓶有香,芳贺优里雅,妃今日子,福美香织,冈本多绪,刚野凤子,高桥由美子,桂木萌,河合梓,横须贺,吉成香,吉村优,臼井里绘,橘友贺,来栖凉子,濑户美贵子,濑雅子,林绘里,玲樱奈,美月由奈,梦野玛丽亚,秘叉华,木内美步,木尾原真弓,牧野泉,鲇川直美,清水理惠子,萩原舞,泉由香,三浦桃,松树梨,松下真依子,松元伊代,藤宫知世,田村茜,田真潮,桐岛惠理香,梶原真弓,西尾佑里,相泽朝海,相泽沙赖,小阪光,小仓艾莉丝,筱峰爱,野乃原,优里香,由津希,泽绪凛,长曾我部蓉子,真莉亚,真崎麻衣,仲根佳绘美,爱原千芙,绫波优,奥菜千春,奥菜翼,八木原麻优,白川沙也加,白石枫,白石麻梨子,宝来美雪,北原雪,宝生琉璃,草剃纯,长濑茜,赤阪梨乃,赤阪美步,大路惠美,岛津讶子,德井唯,儿岛香绪里,福泽京子,宫泽璃音,吉野美穗,橘琉璃,濑户准,濑名凉子,片濑梨音,齐藤美穗,枪田彩野,桥本美步,三笑明日香,上原绘里香,石井淳笑,松冈理穗,松井夏穗,松元亚璃沙,唐泽美树,小池绘美子,小泉琉美,小山涉,小野谷实穗,星野琉海,续丽子,岩崎美穗,泽山凉子,辰巳奈都子,热田久美,姬野香,榎本瑞穗,榎本瑞怆,榎木加奈子,星野真唯,八木泽莉央,八木泽景一,柏木瞳一郎,坂下千里子,保坂拓见,北原一咲,泷北智子,夏本加奈子,端本千奈美,爱本瑞穗,本树尤真,仓内安奈,小鹿纯子,长坂仁惠,赤坂丽,赤坂七惠,赤咲伶奈,川村美咲,春日咲衣,镰田奈津美,风见里穗,富田梨惠,高坂真由,宫咲志帆,光咲玲奈,黑坂真美,胡桃泽马里奈,吉成香子,吉田亚咲,今井优,井坂绘美,久留须由美,蓝田美丰,笠木彩花,丰岛真千子,铃木美生,吉田亚纪子,瑠川淳子,美咲沙耶,美咲亚弥,美咲亚沙,梦咲亚由,乃木真利子,乃坂绘美,佐藤和沙,金子纱香,片濑梨子,中岛千晶,浅野京子,吉泽有希子,濑间幸美,金子美铃,三田爱里,三田友穂,三咲真绪,咲小雪,沙耶香,相田纱耶香,杉田美园,侍山凉子,山崎亚美,山咲萌,山咲千里,山咲舞,山咲亚香里,山咲一步,长濑美优,长濑美华,樱井美优,坂上友香,神乐坂惠,神田朱未,神田美咲,小岛圣,泽诗奈奈子,石川施恩惠,石坂伊津佳,水咲凉子,水咲亚里美,水野理纱,松坂庆子,松坂纱良,松坂树梨,滩坂舞,藤井树,齐藤小雪,藤咲彩美,藤咲理香,白石美树,品川幸菜,吉崎渚,田代沙织,田岛美美,泽田悠里,田中玲娜,田坂菜月,田坂仁美,舞坂由衣,香坂仁见,咲田葵,薰樱子,冴岛奈绪,野坂惠美,野坂奈津美,观月亚里沙,伊吹美奈裳,音咲洵,真锅薰,冈真里子,向井真理子,松坂季实子,椎名英姬,佐仓真衣,前田亚季,坂本冬美,坂本绘美,坂本里奈,坂本美香,坂本美雨,坂本奈绪子,坂本千夏,坂本三佳,坂本未明,坂本真绫,坂仓由里子,坂谷三子,坂谷佑三子,坂间惠,坂井绘里奈,坂井泉水,坂井优美,坂井真纪,坂井真理绘,坂卷里绪菜,坂卷丽欧娜,坂卷香织,坂口华奈,坂口茧子,坂口良子,坂木优子, 坂上俊,坂上理,坂上理惠,坂上香织,坂上亚衣,坂上友惠,坂上真琴,坂上绫,坂田麻衣子,坂下麻衣,坂下真纪,矶山沙耶加,纯名里沙,村田阳子,一条美穗,樱一菜,泽井真帆,姬岛琉璃香,姬岛瑠梨香,中上绘奈,柊琉美,椎名实果,阿立未来,爱川京香,爱川日奈,爱原梨央,岸田香织,岸田小雪,白石美由纪,北原美由,北原翔子,本城彩,柴崎未永,朝比奈树里,朝比奈顺子,朝仓纯一,朝仓海音,朝美雾唯,朝霞舞,朝香美穗,朝永里绪,成宫智香,池川小咏, 椿香织,泽口丽奈,小西洋子,冈田丽娜,富田梨恵,卯月梨奈,安西亚纪,泉静香,多崎川华子,佐藤二郎,松平幸太郎,志贺广太郎,善田秀树,林宏司,水田成英,叶山浩树,水川麻美,阿部隆史,上野树里,野田惠,玉木宏,千秋真一,瑛太,峰龙太郎,三木清良,小出惠介,奥山真澄,冴子,佐间樱,竹中直人,山田优,温兹瑛士,二之宫知子,武内英树,卫藤凛,上原美佐,多贺谷彩子,远藤雄弥,大河内守,佐久樱,伊武雅刀,峰隆见,田野广子,河野华江子,丰原功补,加藤耕造,西村雅彦,谷冈肇,岩佐真悠子,石川怜奈,高濑由规奈,田中真纪子,近藤公园,玉木圭司,坂本真,桥本洋平,松冈璃奈子,铃木萌,松冈惠望子,铃木薰,山中崇,岩井一志,小林树奈子,金城静香,深田秋,井上由贵,小岛天天,金井,黑木,富士诚治,大奥华之乱,春日局,松下由树饰,阿江与,高岛礼子,德川家光,阿万,濑户朝香,木村多江,阿乐,京野琴美,稻叶正成,神保悟志,德川秀忠,竹千代,庆光院,野波麻帆,末永遥,阿里佐,岛津敬子,本田博太郎,菅野美穗,东乡克显,原田龙二,德川家茂,葛山信吾,安达佑实,实成院,野际阳子,柳丈僧人,星野真里,麻生祐未,藤田真,久保田磨希,中山忍,及川光博,杉田薰,山口香绪里,柳叶敏郎,朝田龙太郎,坂口宪二,雾岛军司,加藤晶,稻森泉,木原毅彦,池田铁洋,伊集院登,小池彻平,内田有纪,片冈一美,阿部贞夫,荒濑门次,水川朝美,里原美纪,佐佐木藏之介,藤吉圭介,夏木真理,鬼头笙子,岸部一德,野口贤雄,大冢宁宁,小高七海,佐藤东弥,阪元裕二,深田恭子,彩木久留美,堂本光一,冰室光三郎,上岛伸吾,大仓孝二,八户一郎,千曲川元彦,内山雅博,庐山裕子,筱原真衣,载宁龙二,森山花奈, 小泉梨奈,青岛秋菜,日向敏文,浜川瑠奈,小早川美幸,原沙知绘,辻本夏实,牧村亮子,冈林俊介,高木浩志,金儿宪史,二阶堂赖子,佐贺沙织,猪濑文雄, 伊东四朗,中岛剑,长岛一茂,小挢由佳,山本未来,丹下樱,岛袋宽子,岛野百惠,稻森寿世,德永爱,滴草由实,东川亚希子,东真纪,渡边美里,能登麻美子,森口博子,饭岛真理,福原美穗,福原裕美子,富田麻帆,冈本真夜,冈村孝子,冈崎律子,冈田有希子,高冈亚衣,高铃,高木古都,高木正胜,高桥理奈, 高桥美佳子,高桥瞳,高桥洋子,高桥真梨子,高田梢枝,高田志麻,工藤静香,宫川爱,宫地真绪,宫崎羽衣,宫西希,宫胁诗音,古内东子,谷村奈南,谷村有美,谷山浩子,广濑香美,广末凉子,广重绫,菅崎茜……我更是一个都不认识！根本都没有听说过!


正如某人说的很正确：
别的文章可以不转，这一篇一定要转载一下。
一来是这篇实在很有资料性。二来是把这篇贴在我博客上显然会大幅度增加我这博客被搜索引擎搜索到的几率。

献给广大被和谐社会误了终身的盆友们.

于是 我转了... ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1254304736#comment 142606336 Wed, 30 Sep 2009 09:58:56 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1254304736 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1252646438 这个版上有没有年薪超过50万的人？你们都结婚了吗？我想请教各位一个问题——怎样才能嫁给你们这样的有钱人？我约会过的人中，最有钱的年薪25万，这似乎是我的上限。要住进纽约中心公园以西的高尚住宅区，年薪25万远远不够。我是来诚心诚意请教的。有几个具体的问题：一、有钱的单身汉一般都在哪里消磨时光？　(请列出酒吧、饭店、健身房的名字和详细地址。)二、我应该把目标定在哪个年龄段？三、为什么有些富豪的妻子看起来相貌平平？我见过有些女孩，长相如同白开水，毫无吸引人的地方，但她们却能嫁入豪门。而单身酒吧里那些迷死人的美女却运气不佳。四、你们怎么决定谁能做妻子，谁只能做女朋友？　(我现在的目标是结婚。)”——波尔斯女士

下面是一个华尔街金融家的回帖：“亲爱的波尔斯：我怀着极大的兴趣看完了贵帖，相信不少女士也有跟你类似的疑问。让我以一个投资专家的身份，对你的处境做一分析。我年薪超过50万，符合你的择偶标准，所以请相信我并不是在浪费大家的时间。
从生意人的角度来看，跟你结婚是个糟糕的经营决策，道理再明白不过，请听我解释。抛开细枝末节，你所说的其实是一笔简单的“财”“貌”交易：甲方提供迷人的外表，乙万出钱，公平交易，童叟无欺。但是，这里有个致命的问题，你的美貌会消逝，但我的钱却不会无缘无故减少。事实上，我的收入很可能会逐年涕增．而你不可能一年比一年漂亮。
因此，从经济学的角度讲，我是增值资产，你是贬值资产，不但贬值，而且是加速贬值!你现在25，在未来的五年里，你仍可以保持窈窕的身段，俏丽的容貌，虽然每年略有退步。但美貌消逝的速度会越来越快，如果它是你仅有的资产，十年以后你的价值甚忧。
用华尔街术语说，每笔交易都有一个仓位，跟你交往属于“交易仓位”(tradinglposition)，一旦价值下跌就要立即抛售，而不宜长期持有——也就是你想要的婚姻。听起来很残忍，但对一件会加速贬值的物资，明智的选择是租赁，而不是购入。年薪能超过50万的人，当然都不是傻瓜，因此我们只会跟你交往，但不会跟你结婚。所以我劝你不要苦苦寻找嫁给有钱人的秘方。顺便说一句，你倒可以想办法把自己变成年薪50万的人，这比碰到一个有钱的傻瓜的胜算要大。　　希望我的回帖能对你有帮助。如果你对“租赁”感兴趣，请跟我联系。”——罗波．坎贝尔 ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1252646438#comment 142606848 Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:20:38 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1252646438 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1252168155 在整整四年的时光里，我努力地把Google“平等、创新、快乐、无畏”的精神带到中国。这个过程并非一帆风顺，但是我们坚持着自己的信念与价值观，保持着超强的耐心精耕细作。
我们压抑着做更酷、更炫的产品的欲望，努力耕耘最佳中文搜索。今天，谷歌中国的搜索质量已堪称最精确、最完整、最即时。优化中文搜索后，我们又开启了数十个产品，让谷歌中国的版图渐渐清晰。其中谷歌地图、谷歌手机地图、谷歌手机搜索、谷歌翻译都已经达到中国第一。另外，音乐搜索的推出，可以让网民首次享受到正版免费的音乐，创立了全球音乐下载的崭新模式。
特别令我难忘的是我们热爱中国的员工面临雪灾、地震、风灾做出的及时产品和贡献，证实了谷歌中国人爱谷歌也爱中国，证实了谷歌中国人既能创新又有爱心。
当我随意走进咖啡馆，看到年轻人在用谷歌的整合搜索查询信息，用地图查看实时交通流量，在iGoogle上挑选自己喜欢的“皮肤”（计算机界面），或者在用谷歌音乐听正版歌曲时，我都会露出发自内心的微笑。
谷歌是一个伟大又可爱的公司，我非常感谢有这么一个千载难逢的机会，来从无到有地打造谷歌中国。在谷歌，我学到太多太多，无论是互联网技术、创新模式、价值观。
对于谷歌，我现在已经没有遗憾，但我的人生还有一个缺憾没有实现，我想去弥补它。在过去的20年，我有幸在乔布斯、盖茨、施密特等身边学习成长，我有幸在 PC时代历经苹果微软，我有幸在互联网时代历经谷歌，我有幸看到三个世界一流的公司的成长成功，我有幸在美国硅谷和中国的中关村崛起时，在这两个地方做过最有创意的工作。我拥有更多的是在科技领域的知识，更了解是企业成功的秘笈。这些职业经验才是我最有价值的资产，我非常希望能够把这些资产传授给中国青年。
我的下一步就是和中国青年人一起打造新奇的技术奇迹，我想用自己的主动性做一个掌控全局的工作。我已经到了这个人生阶段，再不去做，我真的很怕来不及了。
所以，尽管加州的山景城再次向我伸出了橄榄枝，希望我再续约四年，但是我却在此刻做出了发自内心的选择，我希望帮助年轻人圆梦的同时也圆自己的创业梦想。
这个周末，我终于能够从业务发展、战略策划、离职宣布、工作交接中松一口气。这个周末，我会把我的思路理顺。下周，我会和大家分享的我的“从心选择”计划。
每当我想到我将迈出的一步，我就会想起苹果创始人乔布斯的名言：
“最重要的，拥有跟随内心与直觉的勇气，你的内心与直觉多少已经知道你真正想要成为什么样的人。任何其它事物都是次要的。” ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1252168155#comment 142606848 Sat, 05 Sep 2009 16:29:15 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1252168155 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1251991218 B迎面走来
B:吃了没?
A:刚做好 就等你了
A（气急败坏）：我咒你老婆不是处女！
B（淡定）：我祝你老婆永远是处女~
A骂B：你真是狗嘴里吐不出象牙
B立即回应：你吐一个给我看看 A：·#￥%…………——%￥#·￥·#￥
B：（沉默……）
C：你怎么不回嘴？
B：狗咬我一口，我不可能咬狗一口。
A：含泪远奔……
A：你看P啊！
B：我看你呢。
A:你好丑~！
B：你更丑~！
A:你胸大无脑
B:总比你胸小无脑好
A：SB
B：你在做自我介绍吗
A：你以迅雷不及掩耳盗铃儿响叮当仁不让世界充满爱无止境然跟我说这样的话？！
B：你塞翁失马失前蹄笑皆非短流长使英雄泪满襟帼不让须眉来眼去你妈的！
A: “巴黎圣母院缺个敲钟的，你去吧”
B：“怎么，你从那儿辞职了？”
A：你惹龙惹虎也惹不起我吖！
B：我忍屎忍尿也忍不下你呀！
A：“你不要像苍蝇一样盯着我~~”
B：“谁盯着你，你以为你是屎啊！”
A：我的头像牛B吗？
B：像
A：你真是太丢人了，赶紧拿遮羞布遮一下
B：我没有这种东西诶，要不把你的借我
A：我的太小了，不够你用
B：~~~~~~~~~~
A:“个婊子养的！”
B: “老子是你妈养的！”
A比B瘦，但比B矮 。
A在对C小声的说：B好胖啊。
B幽幽的说：胖是一时的事，矮是一辈子的事。
女：你喜欢我天使的脸孔，还是魔鬼的身材？
男：我就喜欢你这种幽默感。
某男对路女吹口哨:大姐,B掉了
路女淡定的回道:你捡回家操吧
女：你TM是不是男人？
男：撇开两腿：来试试就知道了~ ]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1251991218#comment 142606848 Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:20:18 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1251991218 http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1251094624
今天，我在上课的时候睡觉。我的JJ石更了，而且我穿的是很宽松的裤子。我的老师走了过来一把抓住了我的JJ——她以为那是我手机。FML


Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dogaround the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see herleaving her room. my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

今天，我听见了我的姐姐在她的房间里面ZW。为了逃出去，我带着狗出去遛了遛。我回来的时候正巧碰见她出来，手里拿的东西是——我的电动牙刷。FML


Today,this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me thatwhen I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'mconfined to a wheelchair. FML

今天，一个我认识了很久的很性感的女人跟我说，如果我能站着和她做，她就和我做。我残疾坐轮椅。FML


Today,I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, hescreamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's notBrittany. That's his sister. FML

今天，我在和我的男朋友OOXX。当他要丢了的时候，他突然声嘶力竭地大喊“太棒了Brittany！！”我的名字不是Brittany.Brittany是他的妹妹。FML




Today, my boss called me into his officeto show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he beganto type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with hisrecent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business tripwith him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

今天，我老板叫我去他的办公室，要给我看一个可能成为我们的商业伙伴的公司的网站。当他在谷歌里面打“Virginia”这个词的时候，网站把他的搜索自动补完成了他最近才搜索过的词条——“小处男的菊花”。我明天就要和他一起出差。我是个年轻男人。FML


Today,I asked my boyfriend to come over for dinner because I had some bignews. He said he did too, and came over. After stuffing his face fullof food, he broke up with me and said he'd re-enlisted into themarines, leaving in two weeks. I was going to tell him i'm 9 weekspregnant. FML

今天，我让我男朋友来我家吃饭因为我有个大消息要告诉他。他说他也有个大消息要告诉我。在他吃得差不多的时候，他说要和我分手因为他两个星期以后就要去海军陆战队报道了。我准备告诉他我已经怀孕9个星期了。FML


Today,I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying tohave a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news.When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I sawhim making out with a man. FML

今天，我发现我怀孕了。我已经和老公试了很长时间，所以我等不及要把这个好消息告诉他。当我推开他的办公室的门准备给他一个惊喜时，我看到他和一个男的在亲热。FML




Today,my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I toldher 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

今天，我的女儿问我我是什么时候破处的。当我告诉她是22岁时，她立马大喊道：“我赢喽！！”她今年才13。FML


Today,my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he wasonly able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

今天，我结婚9年的老公告诉我说他是搞基的。他甚至还暗示我说，他和我在一起的时候能硬起来，是因为我长得比较爷们。FML


TodayI noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddlyresembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doingshe said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on abusiness trip last night. FML

今天，我发现我女儿在模仿很奇怪的、听起来像我老婆在OOXX时发出的声音。当我问她你在干嘛的时候她说“我在学我妈咪昨晚的声音”。我昨晚出差。FML


Today,my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with herfriends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her familylives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were verygood) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horsefarm. FML

今天，我老婆要和我离婚因为她想和她的狐朋狗友们多玩一玩。一年前，我跟着她来到了她老家挪威。我离开了我的朋友，家庭和一份很好的工作，就是为了和她一起住。现在我TMD在一个马场铲马粪。FML


Today,I got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER. When Iarrived at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack whilehaving sex. FML

今天，我接到一个电话说我的未婚夫被送进了急救室。当我赶到急救室的时候，他们告诉我说原因是他在和某人OOXX的时候心脏病发作了。FML
Today,my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She saidshe's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in thefuture. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school.FML

今天，我交往了三年的女友离开了我找了个新男友。她的理由是她需要找一个可靠的未来的经济后盾。没错那个哥们确实是有一个卖手机的亭子。但是我就要在医学院就读了。FML


Today,my teacher demanded to talk to my dad because she thought he wasn't agood enough male role model because i'd misbehaved. i told her he haddied of cancer in 2005. She said that my lie was rude, disgraceful, andthat i should be ashamed, then gave me a detention. He actually diddie. FML

今天，我老师要求和我爸谈话因为她认为我爸没给我起到一个好的榜样作用。我告诉她我爸在05年就死于癌症。结果她说我的谎言很粗鲁，没人性，不害臊，然后把我留校了。我爸是真的死了。FML


Today,I had to make a family tree for one of my classes. When I was goingthrough it, I realized that both my parents have the same last name.So, I asked them about it and they told me that they are secondcousins. FML

今天，我有个做张家庭族谱的作业。当我在做的时候，我意识到我的父母的姓其实是一样的。所以我去问他们这是不是个巧合，结果他们告诉我说他们实际上是表亲关系。FML



Today,I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turnsout I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

今天，我咬了一下我男友的脖子。我感觉到什么东西流到了我嘴里。结果我发现我是把他脖子上的一个大痘子咬破了。掉进了我嘴里。FML



Today,I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucksand got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking and having agood time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon,this will be plump with my seed." FML

今天，我第一次和这个男生出去约会。我们去了星巴克，聊着天，很愉快。突然，他把他的手放到我肚子上说：“不久之后，这里就会被我的种子灌满”。FML



Today,I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but Idecided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissingmy neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered"ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh.you're awake?!"FML

今天，我打算打个盹。我男朋友给了我一些安眠药但是我最后没决定吃。我迷迷糊糊地醒来的时候发现他在亲我的脖子，解开我的衬衫。我闭着眼睛低语道：“嗯……真是浪漫。”他震惊道：“啊。你醒着呢？！”FML


Today,I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and satnext to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on myshoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before mystop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30minutes. FML

今天，我做公车去上班，后来旁边坐着个慈祥的老奶奶。公车到一半的时候，她睡着了，脑袋枕在了我的肩膀上。为了做个好青年，我在我的车站到之前才轻轻地打算弄醒她。实际上，这一路上她根本没在睡觉。也就是说，我让一个死人在我身上躺了30分钟。FML


Today,I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano.Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On mypiano. FML

今天，我以为我听到了我的小妹妹在玩我的新的大钢琴。我十分生气，跑下楼去制止她。结果我发现声音的来源是我父母在我的新钢琴上OOXX。FML


Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

今天，我给我男友发短信说：“Hi”。他的回复是：“我把你最好的朋友肚子搞大了”。FML


Today,I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past yearresearching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set anautocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't noticeuntil after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

今天，我上交了我的博士论文，我花了半年的时间做调查来写这篇论文。昨晚，我的室友在微软WORD里面的“自动更正”里面把“也不是(neither)”这个词全改成了“黑鬼(nigger)”。我一直到交了论文以后才发现。更糟糕的是我的教授就是个黑人。FML


Today,my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turnedaround to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said'Now, do me'. FML

今天，我男友和我决定试试X菊花。当他结束了以后，我转过身来，发现他面带微笑地拿着一个绑在腰带上的橡胶JJ，对我说：“现在来X我。”FML


Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML

今天，为了给我哥们庆祝生日我们第一次来到了脱衣舞俱乐部。我也发现了我的女友的工作是什么。FML


Today,I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex forone month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks aremy honey moon. FML

今天，我发现因为我的血压太高，我一个月都不能OOXX。我的婚礼是下个星期，然后接下来的两个星期是蜜月。FML


Today,at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose,I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. Hetold me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall rightinto my mouth. FML

今天，我去牙医那里洗牙。我抬头看着他，发现有鼻涕往他的嘴唇上滴。我试图慢慢地挪开，他告诉我“别动！”结果他说话的动作导致那大块鼻涕径直掉进了我嘴里。FML


Today,I found out that I am 14 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby is nowengaged to my best friend, whom he was cheating on me with when Ibecame pregnant. I'm going to be the maid of honor, 8 months pregnantwith his child, at their wedding. FML

今天，我发现我已经怀孕三个多月了。孩子他爸现在已经和我最好的朋友订婚，在我怀孕的时候他一直和她有一腿。我将会是他们婚礼上怀着新郎的孩子8个月的伴娘。FML


Today,I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to seeif I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded forstaying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love.I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20minutes. FML

今天，我和我的祖父母睡在一个屋子里面。他们先是来确认我睡没睡着。为了不被责怪成熬夜，我就假装睡着了。结果，他们是想要OOXX，所以才来确认我是不是睡了的。我亲眼目睹了两个70岁老头老太太在我旁边的床上OOXX的情形。FML


Today,while I was out to eat, I was approached by the restaurant manager. Hetold me that while he respected my personal choices, his patrons didn'tfeel comfortable with someone who used to be a man using the women'srestroom. He thought I was a transsexual. I am a naturally-born female.FML

今天，我在外面吃饭的时候，饭店经理来找我谈话。他说虽然他很尊重我的个人选择，但是他的顾客们对于一个“曾经是男人”的女人用女卫生间感到非常不舒服。也就是说，他们以为我是个变性人。而我是个天生的女人。FML


Today,I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and washorrified to see my parents having sex. I immediatly ejected the tapeand looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I wasconceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

今天，我在翻看我父母的旧的家庭录像。我把其中一个放进了录像机，惊恐地发现那里录着我的父母在做爱做的事。我立刻弹出了录像带并且看了看那上面的标签。上面写着：“百慕大，1989”。他们曾经告诉我说我就是在那个时候的百慕大群岛上被怀上的。我看到了自己被怀上的情形。FML


Today,I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our firstdate. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned myboyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marleyringtone started playing from the bush. FML

今天，我自己一人来到了我和我男友第一次约会的地方：一个孤僻的山上。我注意到有另一对情侣藏在灌木丛中亲热。于是我打电话给我男友，想要告诉他说有人找到了属于我们的秘密幽会地点。然后我就听到了我男友手机的Bob Marley的彩铃声从那堆灌木里飘来。FML


Today,this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated upand we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thingI knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when shestopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

今天，我和一个女孩在我公寓里面打发时间……然后我们都来了感觉，就开始亲热。一步接着一步，然后我知道她要准备给我KJ。我正做好爽的准备，她突然停了下来，抬起头来望着我的眼睛说……“你信耶稣吗？”FML


Today,I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for asurprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door openand say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kissesme on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night",and leaves. FML

今天，我被我老爸突然造访我宿舍的敲门声所吵醒。我把门打开对着在门外的他打招呼，这时候我的室友脱光了衣服拉开了门，亲了我的脸颊，用一种超级搞基的声音说“昨晚你真棒”以后跑了。FML


Today,I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of thebathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips,wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on theedge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

今天，我光着身子站在床边，等着我老婆从浴室里面出来。她打开了浴室的门走向我，扭动着她的腰，什么都没穿。当她离我有四英尺的时候，她在地板垫上跌了一跤，而且用了我的JJ来稳住身形。FML


Today,I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents havingsex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a goodlong while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off theheadphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

今天，我躺在床上试图睡着，可是就在此时我听见了我父母在OX。所以我戴上了耳机听音乐。听了好长好长一段时间之后，我想他们应该已经完事了，所以我摘下了耳机。结果我刚好赶上他们结束那一段。FML


Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

今天，我老板发了条短信把我炒了鱿鱼。我没给手机申请短信包月。也就是说我花了25美分来被炒。FML


Today,I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friendexplaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulledover in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explainedwhat happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone whiledriving. FML

今天，我在高速上开车的时候接到了一个电话，得知了我两个最好朋友因交通事故而死。我歇斯底里地把车快速在道边停下，然后过来一个交警问我怎么了。我解释了一切，结果他给了我一张罚单，说是因为我在开车的同时使用手机。FML

Today,my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there,he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. Hesent me home so he can play. FML

今天，我男友和我决定在他的家里OOXX。我们到了以后，他先去看信箱里面有没有信，然后就发现他订购的Wii的游戏到货了。他把我送回了家因为他更想玩游戏。FML


Today,I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They askedme how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

今天，我拜托我父母帮我报名加入军队。结果他们问我的是如果我死了，政府能补贴多少钱。FML


Today,I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers anddinner at her apartment. After i knocked, a handsome young man answeredthe door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized only to hearmy girlfriend's voice call from the background: "Baby, who's there?"FML

今天，拿着鲜花和晚餐，打算给我认识了两年的女友一个惊喜。我敲了敲她公寓的们——然后一个英俊的年轻男人打开了门。我以为我敲错了门，道了歉转身准备离开的时候，我听到了我女朋友的声音——“宝贝，门口的是谁？”FML


Today,I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walkedinto the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw mehe simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

今天，我打算给我上大学的男友一个惊喜。我走进了他的宿舍，发现他和另一个女的躺在床上。他看见了我，说了句：“愚人节快乐！”那天是3月19号。FML


Today,my friends approached me and accused me of being anorexic cause i'vedropped a lot of weight lately. I swore to them that i wasn't anorexic.They jokingly asked "Do you have cancer or something?" All i could dowas stare at my feet. That wasn't exactly how i wanted them to findout. FML

今天，我的朋友怀疑我得了厌食症因为我最近掉了很多秤。我对他们发誓说我没得厌食症。他们开玩笑说：“那你是得了癌症什么的吗？”我除了盯着我的脚不知道以外不知道该如何反应——我并没指望他们以这种形式发现我得了癌症。FML



Today,I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at thepeak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-IMISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was insideher. FML

今天，我在用手指X女友。她在高潮顶点的时候突然哭了起来。我问她发生了什么事，她回答说：“我——我——我——我想他！！”她是为了她的前男友在哭。我当时还在她体内。FML


Today,I sent an email to my best friend, telling him that I'm gay. When I wastyping the email address in the "to:" field, it autocorrected theaddress to my mother. She just responded: "you filthy faggot". FML

今天，我发了封邮件给我最好的朋友，告诉他我是同志。当我在输入“发送到：”那一栏的时候，系统给我自动更正成了我妈的邮件地址。她只回复了一句：“你这肮脏的蛆虫。”FML


Today,my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't.About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking aroundand I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

今天，我男友和我决定做爱做的事。我是CN，他不是。30秒以后，他倒在了我的身上。我以为他在开玩笑，就笑了几声。他没在开玩笑。他干完了。FML


Today,my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thoughtit was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled outmy tampon. FML

今天，我卫生棉在我的泳装旁边露出了一点点。我男友以为那是我比基尼多余的线头。于是乎他在大庭广众之下把我的卫生棉拉了出来。FML


Today,I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, andthat I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, usethem, im going to bed xoxo". FML

今天，我给我6个月的男友发了条短信说我很想要，而且我躺在床上光着身子。他回了封信说：“你长了手指头，用它们，我去睡觉了亲爱的”。FML


Today,my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed likean eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and askedme, "what do I do now?" FML

今天，我男友和我第一次OOXX。在等待了非常长的一段时间之后，他终于进来了。这时他停了下来，问道——“好了，现在我该怎么办？”FML


Today,I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding inJune. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

今天，我接到电话说我不再是6月份婚礼的伴娘了。那婚礼是我妈的第四次婚礼。当她伴娘的将会是我家的狗。FML


Today,I opened my mail to find my Brown acceptance letter. Excited, I showedmy dad who just laughed and said 'what, it's not like it's Harvard'. Noone in my family has ever gone to college. My dad didn't even graduatefrom high school. FML

今天，我打开了邮箱发现我被布朗大学（美国常春藤盟校之一）录取了。我兴奋地告诉了我爸，他笑笑说：“啥啊，又不是哈佛。”我家里人除了我没人上过大学。我爸甚至高中都没毕业。FML


Today,I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing Icould hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finallygoing to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i lovedhim too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'mKayla. FML

今天，我听到了我交往3个月的男友和他的朋友聊天，它们不知道我能听到他们。“就是今晚了”，我男友说，“我要告诉她，我爱她！！”我非常兴奋，感觉我也非常爱他。然后他的朋友就说：“太好了。可是，凯拉怎么办？”我就是凯拉。FML


Today,it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one wasmy fiancee, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my bestfriend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancee forthe past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me ahappy birthday. FML

今天是我生日。我一整天只接到三个电话。第一个是我的未婚夫，说他要把订婚戒指拿回去。第二个是我最好的朋友，向我坦白说过去三个月来她一直和我的未婚夫行为不轨。第三个是我牙医的办公室，给我唱《祝你生日快乐》。FML


Today,after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found mycar doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on mywindshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson. Don't f*** with me." I'mTyler, Jackson is my co-worker. FML

今天，下班以后，我去停车场准备开车回家。我发现我的车的门被划伤得很厉害，我所有的车胎都被扎了。挡风玻璃上留着一张字条写着：“草NM，杰克逊。别耍老子。”我是泰勒。杰克逊是我同事。FML



Today,I came home to find my mum on the phone to the doctor. When she hung upI asked what had happened. She said they found a sexually transmitteddisease in my bloodtest, and then she began to call me a slut. I'm 14,and am still a virgin. After 5 mins of crying, she tells me she wasjoking. FML

今天，我回到家，我妈在给医生挂电话。我问她怎么了。她说医生在我的血检里面发现了一种性病，然后她说我是个婊子。我14岁而且还是处。大哭了5分钟以后，她告诉我说她只是在开玩笑。FML


Today,my son looked out of the window and said "what's that piece of shitdoing on our driveway?" It was the new car we were trying to surprisehim with on his 16th birthday. FML

今天，我儿子望向窗户以外问道：“在车库门前停着的那坨垃圾是毛？”那是我打算送给他的，他16岁生日的新车。FML



Today,a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to f*** myself. Itold her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her momhappened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came upto me and told me to f*** myself as well. FML

今天，一个7岁的陌生小女孩突然走向我，跟我说“滚泥马。”我告诉她注意自己的口气，否则我就告诉她父母。她妈妈就在附近，而且她恰好听到了了我们的对话。于是她突然走向了也我跟我说了句“滚泥马”。FML


Today,I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today.His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know whatthat meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found outhe's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML

今天，我发短信给我的男友，问他到底想不想今天来亲热。他的回复是“不行，白金今天出。”我一开始没听懂，于是我去搜索了一下“白金，2009年3月22号”。结果我发现他是在说最新的口袋妖怪游戏。FML


Today,for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. Thewoman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

今天，我人生的第一次——让一个女人看到了我的JJ。我30了。那女的是我的医生。她打了个鼾来盖住她的大笑声，然后道了道歉。FML


Today,I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'dremember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake,but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during theday and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was moreimportant. FML

今天，我18岁了。早餐的时候没人吱一声，但是我想他们会记住，晚上我就有蛋糕吃了。我晚上回家看到了一个蛋糕——但是不是给我的。他们是在庆祝我的妹妹第一次月经来潮。很明显，他们认为一次生理反应比我的18岁生日更重要。FML


Today,I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half thesize of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom'swalk-in closet. FML

今天，我看到了我家新房子的图纸。我的屋子是旁边那个屋子大小的一半。“那个屋子”是我继母的大衣橱。FML

Today,I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided totake a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide opensince breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to puthis penis in my mouth. FML

今天，我感觉有点病了，呼吸很不舒畅。我决定打个盹，嘴巴大张着因为呼吸很困难。我醒来的时候，发现我男友试图把他的那个放到我嘴里。FML


Today,I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off ofme, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. Heshouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

今天，我在和我男朋友OOXX。突然，他从我身上跳下来，大喊：“该死，该死！”我很着急，问他怎么了。他大吼：“我忘了设定TiVO了！”（一种电视录像装置）. FML


Today,I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentlydrove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outsidewaiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The wholefamily watched me run over their dog. FML

今天，我第一次去看我女朋友的父母。我第一次不小心开过头了，但是看到了他们全家在外面等我。我调了个头，然后就听到了砰的一声。他们全家的人看着我压扁了他们的狗。FML


Today,I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets aphone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiance that I knewnothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside ofher. FML

今天，我在和我交往了9个月的女友OOXX。有人给她打电话，她决定去接。给她打电话的是她的未婚夫——我完全不知道有这号人。她在我还在她的体内的时候说：她订婚了。FML


Today,I found out I won a 20 000 or 30 000 dollar scholarship. Aftercelebrating with my family by jumping around the room for a half-hour,we realized it was addressed to someone else with the same last name.When we called to tell her, she said it was weird because she hadreceived my rejection letter. FML

今天，我发现我赢了份20000 - 30000的奖学金。在屋里和我家人跳上跳下庆祝了半个小时以后，我们才意识到这信是寄给另一个和我们姓一样的人的。我们和她联系上以后，她说这事真是奇怪，因为她收到的是我的拒信。FML


Today,I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to havesex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that everysingle condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top ofthe box: "love mom." FML

今天，我想拿个套套因为我的男友和我打算第一次OX。当我打开抽屉时，我看到每个套套都被一个耶稣形象的别针扎破了。盒子上面有个字条：“爱你的妈妈。”FML


Today,my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because hewanted to "surprise mom later". Anxious to see him without hislife-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exitedthe bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML

今天，我老爹问我借电动剃须刀因为他想要“给我妈一个惊喜”。我非常想看他把他留了几乎一辈子的大胡子剃掉，于是我很高兴地答应了他。半个小时以后，他从洗手间出来了。胡子还是好好的。FML


Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

今天，我父母因为我“说了句脏话”而惩罚我用肥皂洗嘴。我都快19了。我说了句“靠”。FML


Today,I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through theopen window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1strow was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through mywindow. FML

今天，我坐在公车上去联谊会。我坐在公车第5排，感觉到有雨点从窗外飘进来。然后我意识到那不是雨点，而是第1排有个女的吐了，她吐到窗外的东西从我的窗户飞了进来。FML


Today,my parents won't stop bragging about how my sister is dating thecaptain of her high school football team. I just got accepted to lawschool. FML

今天，我父母不停地吹嘘说我妹妹正在和学校美式足球队队长约会。我刚刚被法学院录取。FML


Today,we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see thatthey misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

今天，我们要从学校拿毕业纪念册。我翻到了我的简历那一页，发现他们把我的名拼错了。我的名是James（詹姆斯）。他们拼成了Lames（烂透的）。FML


Today,I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Lastnight was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair,I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warmwater I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML


今天，我第一次和我的新男友一起淋浴。昨天晚上是我们一起度过的第一晚。我在洗头的时候，我向下看去，注意到了有“黄水”。也就是说，我的脚一开始感觉到的温暖的水不是从喷头里出来的。FML

Today,I was arrested because my 6 year old son called the police saying thatI was hitting my wife and that she was crying. My wife and I werehaving sex. FML

今天，我被逮捕了，因为我6岁的儿子打电话叫警察，说我把我的妻子打得哭了。我和我老婆当时在OOXX。FML


Today,I came home early from work to surprise my son with a new mountain bikefor his birthday. To keep it a surprise I carried it quietly up to hisbedroom. As I opened the door I heard my son say "Oh man, you're gonnamake me cum" to the nice girl he was on top of. He just turned 14. FML

今天，我提前下班回家，买了辆新的山地车来给他个生日惊喜。为了让他吃一惊，我蹑手蹑脚地来到了他的房门前。我一开门就听到他对他压在身下的女孩说：“哦，天哪，我要S了。”他才刚14。FML


Today,I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidlyobese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the testslisted on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling mygenitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't atest listed. FML

今天，我去医院做运动体检。我的护士肥的要死而且非常难看。她说她会检查所有单子上写的部分。她做了一切她能做的，甚至包括检查我的JJ部分。体检结束以后，我看了看那张单子。里面没有生育器官检查。FML


Today,I logged onto my computer to access a video from my p*** stash.However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinkingthat a virus 软妹子 d everything, I was thankful my favourite fileremained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me notto masturbate. FML

今天，我打开电脑查看我的AV收藏。但是，文件夹除了“我的最爱”文档以外全都空了。我以为是病毒删了所有的东西，但是很庆幸“我的最爱”文档没被删。我打开了以后，看到里面是一个我父母的录像教育我说“SY是不对滴”。FML


Today,I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladieswalked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming atme about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight ornot. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot.FML

今天，我看到了一对女同性恋在购物中心里逛。其中一个在繁忙的过道里走向我，然后开始大喊盯着她们是怎么怎么地粗鲁，还有不管性取向如何所有的人都应该是平等的。我盯着她们的原因是我也是搞百合的，而且我觉得她们很靓。FML


Today,I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in thecar in front of me threw something out the window. The object flewtowards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A usedcondom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you'redriving fast. FML

今天，大概晚上十点多我在道上开车。我前面车里的乘客向窗外扔了什么东西。拿东西径直打在了我的挡风玻璃上。那是个套套。用过的套套。而且用完没系。JY在你开快车的时候散开得很快。FML


Today,I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'somethingserious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction tomasturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML

今天，我搭我新男友的车。他有“很重要的事”要告诉我。然后他多愁善感地向我讲述了他如何对SY上瘾。细节具体生动。行程是两个小时。FML


Today,I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. Theyare so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say myfull name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbatingrigorously. FML

今天，我才发现我的新学生宿舍的墙，是多么的薄。它们如此之薄，以至于我能听到我隔壁那个恶心的哥们一边一遍又一遍地念叨着我的名字，一边大力SY的声音。FML


Today,I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blockinghis shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. Afterasking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls youthat when you're not around." FML

今天，我在和我的小弟弟打篮球。在开玩笑般地阻挡了他一下之后，他转过来跟我说“你TM的婊子。”他才6岁。我问他他是在哪里听到这个词的，他回答说：“爹地在你不在的时候这样叫你。”FML


Today,I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he coulddo anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bedand find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friendsneeded him. FML

今天，我裸身躺在床上，被蒙上了眼罩。我告诉我的男友他把我怎样都行。30分钟以后，我下了床发现他在电脑室打魔兽。他队友需要他。FML


Today,I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed afew girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was JesusChrist Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was alittle cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during thecrucifixion. FML

今天，我在学校表演戏剧。在我的独角戏闪亮登场之前，我注意到了有几个女孩在后台换衣服——于是我小弟弟high了。那场戏是《耶稣基督超级巨星》，我就是演耶稣的。我身上只穿几块布。于是乎，所有观众都看到了：耶稣在被钉上十字架的时候可耻地硬了。FML


Today,I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine isthe one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up,I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on myparents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all overtheir bed. FML

今天我在家睡觉因为我生病了。离我最近的厕所是在我父母的房间。我有点想吐所以我就起来了，我跑到我父母房间的厕所里，然后看到他们在OOXX。大吃一惊，吐了他们一床……


Today,I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in,she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went tothe bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if shewas ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

今天我在和一个刚认识的女孩OOXX，大约5分钟之后，她说她想上厕所，所以我们被迫停止。大概等了10分钟，我决定进去看看她怎么样了。进去一看，窗户是开着的，她逃走了。卧槽= =


Today,as I was bagging groceries at Dominicks, I looked down to see a 6 yearold urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his motherthat he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mindmy own god damned business." I was later fired for arguing with thecustomer. FML

今天我在多米尼克杂货店帮顾客装袋，向下一看，我擦，一个6岁小孩在我鞋上撒尿。我告诉他妈应该带她的小孩去厕所小便，我唯一得到的回应是：管好你自己的吊事。接着我就以“和顾客发生纠纷”被开除。卧槽！


Today,I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in,talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's acute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to meand said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone withher." FML

今天，当一个正妹进电梯的时候电梯里只有我一个，当时她正在打电话。她和她朋友说：“我得挂了，电梯里有个帅哥~~”在我有任何反应之前她说：“对不起，我撒谎了，我只是真的很想把那个电话结束”卧槽= =！！


Today,I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when hebreaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips amillimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smelllike my grandmother's house." FML

今天，我在和我男友OOXX，他很清楚我喜欢他在我脖子上喘气、呼吸的感觉。当我快要丢的时候他把他的嘴唇放在离我脖子/耳朵1毫米的地方，说：“我喜欢的你那闻起来像我祖母房子的味道~~”，卧槽！


Today,I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off of the $1.00 menu to savemoney. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. Aftera whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and an bunchof IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $24,000 in bills.Really. FML

今天我去快餐店点了一份一元餐想要省钱。五个小时之后我因为食物中毒被送到医院。在一天的禁食、排泄、冒顶、考试、挂了一堆水之后，我那$1的汉堡花费了我$24000，真的！！卧槽……


Today,one of the psych patients I work with on a locked unit looked into myeyes and told me lovingly that I reminded him of his sister. The sisterhe killed after he raped her. FML

今天，一个和我一起工作的精极度紧张患者在一个被锁的房间里看着我的眼睛、深情的说：你让我想起了我的妹妹。（那个被他被他先X后杀的妹妹）。卧槽！！


Today,I called my fiance and found out she is 9 weeks pregnant. I had been inIraq for over 6 months. I also found out her and her new boyfriendalready spent most of my $30,000 re-enlistment bonus on a new car and atrip to Las Vegas. FML

今天我打电话给我的未婚妻并发现她已经有了9个月身孕。我在伊拉克带了将近6个月……我还发现她和她的新男友把我那30000美金的入伍抚恤金花的差不多了——买了辆新车、去拉斯维加斯度假。卧槽！


Today, there are two restaurants gang fights, and other unrelated people are gone, only I did not move, watching them smile.
I feel very cool.
Suddenly,FML

今天,餐馆有两伙人打架，其他无关的人都跑掉了，只有我没有动，微笑的看着他们。

我觉得自己非常酷。

突然有一个人指着我说：打他们老大！我刚要说我不是，一个酒瓶子就把我头打开了花。然后几个人过来揣我。另一伙看他们在打不认识的人竟然也不帮忙。

我快被打半死时警C来了，还把我当成主犯拉回去审讯。刚才才被家长领回家。

我现在悟出了一个非常深刻的道理，就是：没实力，千万别装B!


Today,was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off myshirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

今天，我第一次和自己真正喜欢的人OOXX。我把我的上衣的乳支撑器脱掉，他说：“我擦，这太令人失望了。”擦


Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML
应该是
今天，我女友甩了我跟别人了。就在一个小时前，我才从她老爹那里得到求婚许可。FML


TodayI went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd beentrying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinnerwith and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver, they drank toomuch and on the way home hooked up in the back seat. FML

今天我和俩我感兴趣的男生泡吧。第一个是我这个学期一直想约的人，第二个是和我吃过一次饭、看起来还不错的男生。我被指定为司机，他们喝的是在是太多了，然后他们俩就在后座上勾搭上了……汗


Today,I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politelyapologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes tothis city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer.He followed me, now screaming. FM

今天一个流浪汉向我要硬币我没给他，告诉他我身上没有，他非常生气的向我吼道：没钱谁TM来这个城市啊？ 我回答 “很明显，你就是” 这个答案显然不对，他跟在我身后一直尖叫 FML


Today,I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my fewrelationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and Isaid, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental,defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well,at least you're honest." FML

今天我和老妈感慨事实上和我发生过关系的男的都不超过2个月，她问我为什么，我回答：因为我偏激，强势，保守，还有顽固。为了鼓励我，她说 至少你还是诚实的 FML


Today,I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer.One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catchthe ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it."Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

今天我在一个公园里散步，看到一群孩子在踢球， 其中一个把球踢向了我，很幸运的是我把球接到了。 然后我把球丢下踢回去喊到：“接好了” 球打到了一颗书上弹回来，命中我的脸 FML


Today,I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. Wewere getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly camethrough the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower,all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

今天我在洗澡的时候，男朋友忽然跳了进来，我们有一点点小兴奋地时候 老妈的手穿过了帘子 把套套丢在了浴池里，说：注意安全啊孩子们 FML


Today,I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my 软妹子s. Turnsout my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the 软妹子 s are safe. Badnews, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in mylife. FML

今天我在厨房里安装好了摄像头想看看谁偷了我的饼干， 结果我看到了老妈和她的男朋友，好消息是饼干很安全，坏消息是 我看了一些我这辈子都不想看到的事 FML


Today, after my girlfriend of 2 years left me for another guy, I got stuck in an elevator for 3 hours. With both of them. FML

今天和我相处2年的女朋友离开了我和另一个男人好了， 然后我在电梯里面卡了3小时，和他们2个一起 FML


Today,the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed upagainst me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into theride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every singlebump and turn of the train. FML

今天，卡尔加里轻轨车厢挤满了人；我旁边的一个流浪汉被挤得死死地顶着我。他专注地盯着我看，上车两分钟以后他就硬了=_=——于是乎车厢每次颠簸和转弯的时候，那东西都在摩擦着我。FML


Today,I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask ifI'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've evermade out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to mydad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on mysexuality. FML

今天，我正准备出门去朋友家，我父母突然问我是不是搞基的。我回答不是，澄清说我是双性恋。我妈又问我曾经是否和一个同性别的人亲热过，我回答是。然后她就跟我爸说：“看，我跟你说过了吧。你欠我20块。”我父母拿我的性取向打赌。FML


Today,I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in thebathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doingwhat Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new stepdad. FML

今天，我在我的小弟弟偷看我朋友在卫生间换衣服的时候把他抓了个正着。我问他他在干嘛，他回答说：“雷(Ray)在你去卫生间的时候就这么做，我只是在学他罢了。”雷是我的新继父。FML


Today,I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place.Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. Iwas really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist andsaid "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing awatch. FML

今天，我和一个我很喜欢的女孩出门去玩，然后我们晚上一起回到了我家。我们之间十分来电，于是最后OOXX了……男上女下。我非常之投入，可是在半途的时候她突然举起手腕说：“啊，看看都几点了。我得回家了。”她当时根本没戴表。FML


Today,I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes tothe office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share thestory of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

今天，我上班要迟到了，所以我没去走那十分钟的路程而是打了辆出租车。这司机抓住这一大好时机，向我讲述了他第一次和男人OOXX的故事。具体而又生动。FML

Today,I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, adistance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round thelast corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As Ilooked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

今天，我得从我的办公室走到我停车的地方，距离大概有三个街区远。在我准备转过最后一个街角时，一辆车超速驶来，我不得不赶紧跳到一边。我抬头的时候发现了——那车是我的。FML


Today,my girlfriend decided to strip me naked and blindfold me, then told meI'd get a reward if I caught her. So I ran around naked and blindfoldedtill I caught her, and then I yelled, "I want my prize on the kitchentable!" It was her mom who'd just got back from work. FML

今天，我女友决定把我扒光并把我眼睛蒙上，然后告诉我说如果我抓住她就奖励我。于是我就蒙着眼睛，啥也没穿地四处瞎跑一直到我抓住了她。我大喊：“在厨房桌子上把我的奖励给我吧！”MLGB的我抓住的是她刚下班的妈妈。FML


Today,my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom writeit a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans.She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because Iwas gay. The executor read it out loud. My mom was the only one whoknew. FML

今天，我妈的遗嘱被宣告给了全家人。我在几年前帮助我妈写的；我会得到一笔资金来付助学贷款。她自己把遗嘱给改了，注明说我啥也得不到因为我搞基。遗嘱执行人把这段大声朗读了出来。本来只有我妈一个人知道的。FML


Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

今天，我发现就算你的男友向你求婚，也不意味着他婚礼的时候就一定能来。FML


Today,my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many differentsize of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormonetherapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and gotraffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off andtalked more. FML

今天，我妈跟我说各种JJ有不同的大小，真是有趣。她也跟我说因为她一直在做荷尔蒙疗法，她能够体验的高潮比以往多多了。我们堵车堵了3个小时。当我打开收音机的时候，她把收音机关了，接着讲。FML


Today,was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke himup by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything rightnow, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mintchocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

今天，是我的男友第一次来我家过夜。他硬了，我就在他的耳边耳语把他叫醒：“如果你现在让我做什么都行，你想要我做什么呢？”他的回答，“你能给我碗薄荷巧克力屑冰淇淋吗？”他想冰淇淋想到硬。FML


Today,my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "Whatare you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I gotdressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe."FML

今天，我男友和我在他的家里OOXX。大概30分钟后，他的妈妈回家了，敲他的房门问道：“你在干啥？”想着也许我有偷偷溜出去的可能，我蹑手蹑脚地穿起了衣服。结果这时我的男友就回答：“佐伊。我在干佐伊。”FML


Today,I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I havenever been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been toMaryland. FML

今天，一张“在马里兰醉酒驾驶”的200美金的罚单被寄给了我。我从来都没因醉酒驾驶而被抓而且我压根就没去过马里兰。FML


Today,I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hoursearching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo.She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs atmy car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

今天，我醒来以后发现我的狗丢了。我花了将近一个小时去找它，直到我那脑子有点问题的前女友发了张它的照片给我。她把它绑架了。开车到那里以后，她用油漆弹朝我的车开枪。现在我不仅没狗，还多了辆五彩斑斓的车。FML


Today,I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women tohave sex with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

今天，我问了交往了将近十个月的男友，他最希望和哪五个女人OOXX。我排第三。我妈排第二。FML


Today,my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get intothe shower. My cat looked at me after I undressed and then proceeded tothrow up all over the rug. FML

今天，我的猫和我一起在浴室里。我脱了衣服准备冲个澡。猫在我脱光了衣服以后看了看我，然后就在小毯上吐得到处都是。FML


]]> http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1251094624#comment 142606848 Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:17:04 GMT http://85334319.qzone.qq.com/blog/1251094624